


My Poor Heart Will Only Surrender

by davidpatricks



Series: David and Patrick: Disaster Dads [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Adoption, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Kids, M/M, Multi-Era, Vignette, it's vague but it's there, mentions of child abuse, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-01-15 14:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18500494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidpatricks/pseuds/davidpatricks
Summary: The evolution of David's thoughts on children.





	1. 1988

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! these aren't necessarily going to be in chronological order but basically, this follows David's musings as he grows and changes as a person, especially after he meets Patrick. Come say hi at davidpatricks.tumblr.com!  
> Chapter 1 is super short but I should have chapter 2 up later today or maybe tomorrow.

David Rose was five years old when he decided he would never have children. Sitting in the den in a rare moment of alone time with his mother, David softly hummed along with Judy Garland on the TV as she sang  _ Somewhere Over the Rainbow _ . Right as the chorus began, an ear-splitting wail crackled through the baby monitor on the side table.

“Maria! The bébé is crying!” David winced as Moira shrieked for the nanny. 

“Yes, Mrs. Rose!” Maria’s eternally calm voice rang back through the hall as she rushed towards the nursery. It was too late, though; Alexis had cried right through David’s favourite song.

***

It had been two months since David’s parents brought Alexis home. That first afternoon, while Moira took a nap, Johnny had tried to get his son excited about his new baby sister. He sat David down in the living room and placed the tiny bundle of blankets on his son’s lap, keeping a hand under the baby’s head to support her. 

“Well, David? What do you think?” David furrowed his brow and contemplated the wriggly little human in front of him. 

“Is this all she does?” he asked, unimpressed. “She’s  _ boring _ .”

Johnny was caught off-guard by David’s reaction. “Well...this is pretty much all she does right now, but she’s going to learn all sorts of things as she grows. And since you’re her big brother, you get to help teach her! Doesn’t that sound fun?” David pursed his lips, pausing for a moment before shaking his head. “Nu-uh.”

Johnny sighed in exasperation. “You’ll change your mind once you get used to her, son. I wanna get a picture of you holding her, ok? Now, see how I’m holding her head up? Put your arm just like this and...yes, perfect, good job. Stay just like that with her.” He grabbed his camera off a nearby shelf, setting up the shot. Once his children were centred in the frame, he peered over the camera at his son.    
“Smile, David!” he said. David huffed, but switched his sour expression into a wide, fake smile, just like Moira had taught him. Johnny snapped the picture, put the camera down, and carefully lifted Alexis out of David’s arms. Reaching down with one hand, he tousled David’s hair affectionately before heading off in search of Maria. David immediately fixed his hair, glaring at the retreating figure of his father.

***

Ever since that first day, David’s familiar, comfortable routine had been almost completely destroyed. Maria’s attention was divided, and David’s sleep was frequently interrupted by his baby sister. And now he couldn’t even watch his favourite movie in peace. Turning to his mother, David proclaimed, “I  _ hate _ babies!” before grabbing the remote and turning up the volume to block out his sister’s cries.


	2. 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months into their engagement, Patrick brings up a sensitive topic.

The first time Patrick mentions having kids, David has a full-blown panic attack. 

_ ‘This is it, you hate kids and Patrick knows it, he’s going to leave you for someone who isn’t a heartless, selfish asshole,’ _ the little voice in David’s head snarled. David sprang up from where he and Patrick were cuddling on the couch, sputtering out “I...ba-bathroom.” before rushing away, closing and locking the bathroom door before letting the tears fall.

Patrick sighed, giving his fiancé a couple of minutes to calm down before walking to the bathroom and softly rapping his knuckles on the door. “David?” he called, his voice calm and even. “Honey, please open the door. Let’s talk about this.”

“About what? About how you want kids and I don’t and how you’re going to go be with someone who can give you a family?” David’s tearful voice echoed inside the small bathroom. 

“David, I’ve known how you feel about children from the beginning. Do you really think I would’ve proposed to you if this was a dealbreaker for me?” Patrick replied, and David felt a flash of anger at how  _ rational _ his fiancé was being. Of  _ course, _ Patrick would be sensible as always and make David look like a drama queen! David took a shaky breath before unlocking the door and sitting on the edge of the bathtub, fiddling with the gold rings that adorned his left hand. Patrick pushed the door open, sitting next to David and rubbing the other man’s back in small, soothing circles. 

“I’m sorry I freaked you out, babe,” Patrick said, “I know you don’t like kids. I just figured...you’ve changed and grown so much over the past couple of years, maybe your perspective would change on this, too.” David bit down on his lower lip, not even noticing how hard he was biting until Patrick ran his thumb along his lip gently, coaxing it out from between David’s clenched teeth. 

“I don’t like babies. And as much as I’d like to think that my outlook would change if it was our kid, I don’t know. I can’t even be sure I’ll love my own kid if I have one, and that’s so  _ fucked up _ !” David shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut in a futile attempt to stop more tears from flowing. 

Patrick listened patiently, still rubbing his fiancé’s back. “For the record, David, I think you’re a lot more nurturing than you give yourself credit for. But if you really don’t want kids, we don’t have to have them.” He paused, relieved when he heard David’s breathing return to normal. “But do you think you might feel differently if we skip the baby stage altogether? Adopt an older child?” 

David thought for a moment, letting the idea sink in. He didn’t particularly like older children, but he wasn’t nearly as wary of them as he was of infants. He definitely preferred being able to talk to a kid--the idea of deciphering a baby's cries to figure out what it wanted was a nightmare in and of itself. Leaning into Patrick’s touch, David let out a soft sigh. “Can we have this conversation in a couple of years, maybe?” He asked.

Patrick nodded, kissing David’s cheek. “Take your time.”


	3. 2023

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick and David take their biggest step yet--adopting a child who presents some unique challenges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is long and i just love writing paternal!patrick ok dont judge me

The day he officially becomes a father, David Brewer-Rose is uncharacteristically calm. If anything, it’s Patrick who’s freaking out. Pacing aimlessly from room to room in the three-bedroom bungalow he and David had purchased just over a year prior, Patrick frequently entered and re-entered the room they’d prepared for their new child. He adjusted picture frames that were already perfectly straight, fluffed the already-fluffed pillows, and had started reorganizing the bookshelf when his husband stopped him. 

 

“Patrick? No offense, but you’re driving me fucking crazy with all the restlessness,” David said, placing a hand on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick shot him a glare. “Language, David! I don’t want you swearing around our daughter!” Despite his scolding tone, Patrick’s lips quirked into a smile the way they did whenever he got to use the phrase “our daughter”. 

 

“She’s not here yet, I can say what I want,” David retorted. Patrick sighed.

 

“Fine, but if we get a call from the school saying she’s been using bad language in class, we’ll know which dad to blame.”

 

“Deal.” David smirked, leaning in for a kiss.

***

After much,  _ much _ discussion over the first year and a half of their marriage, David had finally agreed to start the adoption process. They went through countless parenting classes and home inspections until they were finally matched with a child: a seven-year-old girl named Eloise. 

 

Over the multiple home visits that preceded the finalized adoption, David and Eloise had bonded over fashion. Granted, Eloise’s taste was much less monochromatic than David’s, but the two had binged  _ Project Runway _ together while David regaled the young girl with stories about galas he’d attended at Heidi Klum’s house — of course, omitting the more salacious details, like the time he dropped acid with Seal and Tim Gunn.

 

On their third home visit, Patrick surprised Eloise with a set of the books that shared her name. The little girl was awestruck when she read her name on the cover of the first book and immediately begged Patrick to read to her. Patrick was more than happy to oblige, and David looked on with Sonja, their caseworker. David couldn't help but grin at the sight, and he may or may not have wiped away a tear or two when Eloise curled up close to Patrick and rested her head on his shoulder. Sonja raised an eyebrow and made a note on her clipboard. David stood and crossed the room to where the woman was sitting. “Is...is everything ok?” he asked in a low voice, being careful not to disrupt the moment. Sonja smiled, standing and giving David’s arm a reassuring touch. “Yes, yes, it’s fine. How about we go get some more tea and chat a bit?” She picked up her empty teacup and followed David into the kitchen.

“So, what’s up?” David asked, the anxiety evident in his voice. Sonja turned the kettle on, waiting for it to boil. “As you well know by now, Eloise is a very friendly girl, but she keeps her distance physically. Sometimes it’s a struggle to even get her to hold my hand when we cross the street. So cuddling up to Patrick like that is a  _ huge _ step for Eloise, and it shows how comfortable she is around you two.” The kettle boiled, and Sonja refilled her cup. “This is a really encouraging sign, David.” He couldn’t help but grin, and the two rejoined Patrick and Eloise in the living room.

 

Not long after that visit, Sonja called to inform them that Eloise was going to be officially theirs.

***

Eloise’s first night in the Brewer-Rose house was rough, to say the least. The early evening was uneventful, but bedtime was when everything fell apart. Eloise seemed perfectly fine until Patrick finished the story he was reading to her. As soon as he got off her bed and moved towards the light switch, the little girl burst into tears.

“NO!” she shrieked, eyes wide. “One more story, Patrick, please?!” David’s eyes widened in shock at the sudden change in Eloise’s demeanour. Careful to give Eloise her space and let her warm up to him at her own pace, David was watching the bedtime routine from the doorway. 

 

Taking a few tentative steps towards Eloise’s bed, he tried desperately to remember what they’d learned in parenting class about tantrums. “Eloise, it’s 9:30, it’s time to sleep now.” David began in what he hoped was a firm, authoritative voice. “Patrick already read you a super long story.” Patrick caught David’s eye and gave a small shake of his head that David knew meant  _ ‘Back off, I’ll deal with it’ _ . David returned to his vantage point in the doorway while Patrick crouched down beside the bed so he was at Eloise’s eye level. 

 

“Eloise, look at me,” he instructed softly. When she complied, he continued, “We’re gonna take some deep breaths together, okay? In through your nose...and out through your mouth. And again...good, that’s better. A couple more…” he led her through the breathing exercise until her sobs were reduced to intermittent sniffles and whimpers. “Now, why aren’t you feeling ready for bed? You have the pretty night light you picked out right here beside your bed, you have your stuffies...can you tell me what’s wrong so I can help make it better?” Patrick’s voice was low and soothing, and he was smiling that little smile that always made David feel safe and at ease. 

Eloise’s lower lip trembled as she rubbed her eyes, clearly fighting off the sleepiness that was trying to take hold. “I don’t wanna sleep, ‘m scared that when I wake up I’m gonna be all alone like when I lived with Mommy.” She let out a fresh sob when she mentioned her mother, clutching her worn-out stuffed dog to her chest. 

 

David noticed his husband’s jaw clench angrily for just a moment. From the little information they’d been given about Eloise’s early life, it was clear that the little girl had been through hell and back. Growing up with a mother whose temper was explosive and unpredictable, who left her alone for long stretches of time, and having no other parental figure in her life had left Eloise anxious, insecure, and very guarded. While both men were appalled and heartbroken when they learned about her first five years, David knew it made Patrick particularly furious to think about Eloise’s mother. 

 

“I promise, honey, we will be right down the hall all night and we will  _ certainly _ be here when you wake up.” Patrick tried to reassure her, but Eloise looked unconvinced. Joining his husband at their daughter’s bedside, David awkwardly knelt down.

“Do you want to stay in our room tonight?” David asked, much to his own surprise. Eloise was silent for a while, weighing her options. Finally, she nodded and reached her arms out towards David. “Up?” she asked, her eyes still glistening with tears, and David felt his heart melt into a puddle. He stood up, lifting Eloise into his arms and kissing the top of her head. The three of them headed to David and Patrick’s room together. 

Once they were settled into bed and Eloise was fast asleep in between her new dads, David smiled and reached over Eloise to lace his fingers with Patrick’s. 

 

Two and a half hours later, they were woken abruptly by the sound of Eloise screaming during a nightmare. Patrick sat bolt upright, eyes snapping open in surprise. He realized what the source of the noise was and sighed, leaning in to gently wake her up. 

“Eloise, sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s just a dream, you’re safe,” he murmured to her once she was awake, but her cries just got louder. Patrick got out of bed, picking up Eloise and bouncing her on his hip like a toddler as he walked back and forth across the room. Sonja had warned them that Eloise exhibited some regressive behaviours typical of children who had been through trauma. Nightmares, intense emotional outbursts, difficulty sleeping, and clinginess to the few people she trusted were all prevalent in Eloise’s behaviour.  

 

David sat up in bed, feeling utterly useless. His heart broke for the distressed little girl in his husband’s arms. Once his eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight filtering in through their window, David watched Patrick pace around their room, wincing slightly whenever Eloise wailed. It sparked the same gnawing anxiety in the pit of David’s stomach that he used to feel whenever Alexis was in trouble overseas. Protective instinct merged with the helplessness that came with the knowledge that there was only so much he could do to help. He couldn’t fix this for Eloise, just like he couldn’t ensure Alexis’s safety. David  _ hated _ feeling like this, it was one of the reasons he’d been so against having kids. But, much like he had shouldered the responsibility of looking out for his little sister, David Brewer-Rose was determined to do right by his daughter, no matter how much pain it put him through. 

 

Patrick began to sing softly to Eloise, who was slowly calming down. A smile crept across David’s face when he realized that he was singing the same arrangement of  _ Simply The Best _ that he’d performed at their open mic night, which now felt like a million years ago. David got out of bed and walked over to the two people he loved most in the world, wrapping an arm around Patrick’s waist and stroking Eloise’s hair with his free hand. Tentatively, he joined Patrick in singing the chorus. As much as he preferred Patrick’s voice to his own, Eloise seemed to like it well enough, so he kept singing. 

 

Finally,  _ finally _ , Eloise fell back asleep, and Patrick carefully set her down in their bed before climbing in alongside her. David got back in on his side, very glad that Patrick had agreed to close the store for Eloise’s first week at home so they could give her their undivided attention. David was exhausted and his head was aching, but instead of feeling annoyed like he usually would if his routine was disturbed, he felt proud. Proud of Patrick’s incredible paternal instincts, proud of himself for taking the incredibly scary plunge into parenthood, and proud of Eloise for letting himself and Patrick into her heart despite being hurt so many times in her young life. As he drifted off to sleep, David felt Patrick’s warm hand slipping into his own, and he peered over at his husband.

“I could get used to this,” he admitted in a whisper, smiling at Patrick before closing his eyes. 

 


	4. 2025

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brewer-Roses welcome their newest family member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok SO my lil Jewish self loves making more references to the Roses’ Judaism (even tho they’re not observant but hey guess what neither am i) so when Patrick and David were figuring out what they were gonna have their kids call them bc both being dad was confusing, David ended up picking Abba, which is Hebrew for “father”, which lots of Jewish kids call their dads. So David is abba and Patrick is dad/daddy. On to the chapter!!!

David doesn’t know how he ended up agreeing to a second child. Of course, he loves Eloise more than he ever thought he could, but raising her is the most challenging thing David’s ever done — and that’s including the time he broke up a drunken fistfight between Justin Bieber and Zac Efron. Somehow, though, between Eloise begging constantly for a little brother or sister and Patrick frequently mentioning “offhand” how nice it’d be to have a baby in the house, David had caved. 

 

No matter how it came about, this was really happening. Using Stevie as their surrogate had actually been Eloise’s idea. She’d suggested Stevie one night while David and Patrick were bickering over which surrogates they liked from the list the agency had provided. Patrick and David were surprised, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Even more surprisingly, Stevie had agreed, and here they were a little over eleven months later, crowded around Stevie’s hospital bed at Elmdale General. David was perched up near Stevie’s head, dabbing at her sweaty forehead with a cool washcloth. Patrick sat in the visitor’s chair with Eloise on his lap, reading her a story to keep her entertained. 

 

“That was probably the grossest thing I’ve ever fucking seen,” David whispered to Stevie so Patrick wouldn’t scold him for cursing in front of Eloise, “and I can’t thank you enough for doing it.” Stevie shot her best friend an exhausted smile. 

“You owe me so big, Rose.”

“That’s Brewer-Rose, thank you very much.” Before Stevie could get a snarky remark in, Eloise hopped off of Patrick’s lap and tapped impatiently on David’s arm. “Abba, when do I get to see the baby?” She asked, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. 

“The nurses should be back with her in a minute, Ells.”

Eloise huffed and crossed her arms. “But we’ve been waiting  _ forever _ !” she whined. Patrick stifled a laugh — for someone with no biological relation to him, Eloise had sure morphed into a mini-David. 

Just then, the door swung open and a nurse walked in, cradling a carefully-swaddled baby in her arms. “Hi, guys, hope we’re not interrupting,” she said with a smile. Patrick stood and smiled, walking over to take his newest daughter into his arms. Stevie grinned and nudged David with her elbow. “And waterworks in 3...2..1..” she murmured, and right on cue, Patrick started to cry. David rolled his eyes at Stevie and walked over to Patrick, placing a steadying hand on his shoulder and looking down at the baby. She squirmed in Patrick’s arms, scrunching her little nose up, and it’s the cutest goddamn thing David’s ever seen. He never found babies particularly cute, but this was different. This was  _ their _ baby, and she was perfect. David teared up too, despite his best efforts, reaching down and letting her grip onto his index finger. 

Eloise furrowed her eyebrows, clambering up onto Stevie’s bed and giving her a puzzled look. “Why are daddy and abba crying? Is the baby ugly or something?” she asked, and Stevie snorted before patting her back. “They’re just happy. Plus, it’s pretty easy to make your abba cry. Remember the time Uncle Ted accidentally dropped your dad’s birthday cake on the ground before abba got to eat any of it?” Eloise giggled at the memory of David’s horror-stricken face and the tears that immediately filled his eyes. 

David whipped around to look at them. “I can hear you, you know!” Eloise and Stevie laughed, and Stevie shot David a teasing smile. “Oh, we know,” she replied with a smirk. David rolled his eyes. 

“Eloise, come over here, Aunt Stevie is a bad influence on you.”

“I literally just pushed your second child out of my body!” Stevie protested.

“And for that, I send you my sincere best wishes,” David replied with his best fake grin before he and Stevie both burst out laughing. Eloise rolled her eyes and walked over to Patrick, tugging on his pant leg. “Daddy, can I  _ please _ see the baby now?” She asked.

“Yes, honey, I’m sorry it’s taking so long. Come sit and I’ll show you how to hold her.” Eloise eagerly climbed into the visitor’s chair. David pulled out his phone and began recording, smiling at the sight of Patrick bending down and placing their baby into Eloise’s arms. Showing her how to support the baby's head properly before standing and grabbing his own phone, Patrick started taking photos while David shot the video. 

“Ells, look at Abba’s phone and tell him what you think of Mariah!” Patrick instructed. Eloise tore her gaze away from her baby sister and looked towards David with the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her face. “I love her, she’s so cute!”

David smiled back at Eloise, thrilled to see her so happy. “That’s great, sweetie. You know, when your Auntie Alexis was born, I wanted Nana and Grandpa to send her back to the hospital,” he said with a chuckle, thinking he would make Eloise laugh. Instead, she looked horrified, her eyes wide. “How come?” She asked.

“Um...well, she was really noisy, and she messed up my whole routine, and I didn’t like that.” Eloise nodded slowly — she knew how much David valued his quiet time and how he liked adhering to his own schedule. 

“Oh. But what if Mariah’s super loud and stuff? Will you send her back to the hospital?!” Eloise replied in a panicked voice, her hold on her baby sister tightening protectively. David quickly stopped recording and shoved his phone into his pocket, muttering “oh, shit” under his breath. He crouched down beside the chair and gently cupped Eloise’s cheek in his hand. 

“Hey, no, you don’t need to worry about that. This is a totally different situation, I was a little kid, so I didn’t handle it well. Besides,” he added with a small smirk, “Alexis wasn’t nearly as cute as Mariah is.” Eloise let out a soft laugh at that before leaning down to kiss her sister’s forehead.

“See? You two already love each other so much. I’d never even think of separating you. Okay?” 

 

Patrick’s phone buzzed and he sighed. “David, your parents and Alexis are all texting from the waiting room, asking when they can meet the baby. Should I tell them to come in?” David nodded, still focused on his girls.

“I hope Nana isn’t wearing a wig today,” Eloise remarked. “I don’t want her to scare the baby.”

Patrick, David, and Stevie all laughed, mentally preparing themselves for the influx of Roses that would soon descend upon the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes she's named Mariah bc i am That Cheesy


End file.
